Friday, April 11, 2008

Saturday, 12 April 2008

Unnecessary Troubles

Not not a good week psychologically... maybe because the weekend before did not meet my expectation! Plan got screwed... human behaviors and etc... very much affected by it, leaving me at home the whole Sunday afternoon. Even though I managed to get my stuffs done, it is still the "dissatisfaction" that is driving me up the wall. Sigh... EXPECTATION, when will I ever get rid of that and enjoy life happily?
But physically though, it appeared to be a good week, pack my stuffs ready for our office move next week!
Unless I get rid of those dissatisfaction, I'll never b e happy. The best part is, the person(s) I was disappointed with are not even aware or do not ever bother! So, why am I doing that to myself? Having all the unnecessary expectation and then getting disappointed! Sigh.... desire, desire, is really not helping. Should I be asking: "Why do people not place any importance to the commitment they made to me" or should I be asking: "Why am I having so my expectation of people's response and behavior?" I know the later will make me happier, by not expecting too much... BUT, it is easier said then done! I try very hard giving people the benefit of doubt, but...

Today, an even more disappointing day and very moody...
- Was very much looking forward to a good hit of tennis with my coach... guess what? A big patch of DARK clouds was blowing in our direction! Decided to call it off... on a Friday evening! That was ridiculous... I was just lost and didn't know what to do. Tried Tommy to see if I can get a PT session, tried Zoran to see if he have a hit, tried Celine to see if she would like a drink... all to no avail. At that moment, I realized just why I hate to be in Melbourne alone. Was hoping that someone would sms or call and we can go out for a drink! I was still a affected by the attitude of the incident last weekend and with that, I must say it did affect our friendship for now. Anyway, I was so desperate and was willing to go for a Comedy show myself, but... I was too lazy to change... ended staying home! No reply from Tommy on my request to take his 10.15 session tomorrow as well. Guess I will try to attend the cycling at 9.30am... and see if he available. Whatever it is, I NEED to go for my workout.

The weekend ahead? Hope nothing screwed up again...
1) Forego the BBQ with Argonauts just because I don't really know these people and I need to do my workout...(2) Meeting Celine in the afternoon and (3)planning to go over to Agnes' place for dinner... believe it or not, she has been here for a week now, but I only saw them last weekend! Sigh, I seriously missed spending time with Agnes, to just chat, or even do my part of being a host.
As for Sunday... Rowing at 10am is something I look forward to very much, I do enjoy rowing if I row well. As for the afternoon, the sad truth, I still do not have any plan, or didn't dare to make any plans cause I would seriously like to spend time with Agnes and family where possible. Else, will hit some tennis balls and maybe go to the driving range.... all else failed, I will go for a jog if the weather is good. I need to treasure these days when the weather is just perfect, as this will not last. In no time, we'll be freezing, and it will be a challenge getting myself out of the apartment to jog!

SIGH, SIGH, SIGH... Life, I seriously wish sometimes that it will just end here and I don't have to be so emotionally affected by all these self-imposed ups and downs!

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